Shanghai Hash House Harriers
Run 1266 Sunday April 14, 2013
HEALTHIEST WAY TO BE SICK RUN/ THE H7N9 FLU RUN!
Step One: Travel to Shanghai. I’m not saying it’s dirty, it just sounds like it should be dirty, a dirty whore about to Shang-hai you. The H7N9 split with Nanjing must have left someone holding the dirty bag (the kind of dirty bag that would go into HuangPu river full of little piggies). Every time there’s a break out, someone ends up with all the dirty shit. I know it looked like Nanjing for a while, but going to Nanjing would nullify the point I’m trying to make.
Step Two: It would really help if you were into girl birds and girl piggies, so travel the cunt-ry, or let Sperminator bring them to you. They are, allegedly, very beautiful and tasty. Sperminator knows, he has tried on one too many Moody Bitches. Being totally unable to communicate in Mandarin would be very extremely vital, thats why he always keeps Taiwanese Toy Boy #1 (小三) and Taiwanese Toy Boy #2 (小四) gagged and bound. Make the beautiful women speak to you in Mandarin, and you’ll quickly realize what a beautiful language it is when one says, “I have the thing you want.”
Step Three: Get H7N9. Self explanatory and it would help if ‘the thing’ she referred to was an STD loaded with H7N9. The double bonus. This may sound unnecessary, but it is important remember not to involve animals that are not birds or pigs. You can never know where they’ve been, and it’s illegal, even in China.
Step Four: The pay-off step. Steps 1 and 3 are vindicated here, and step 2 will lead you to the best hospital in the world located in Shanghai … Sperminator’s Hosptial. The nurses and doctors here get free liposuction, face lifts, and breast implants as a signing-bonus. As you lie on your back and have the H7N9 (and any additional STD’s including those warts) managed, you’ll realize a new and deep appreciation for being sick. The nurse will know you like to play it loose and dangerous, so she’ll either yell at you in words you cannot understand, or scream out words you can’t understand. Either way, his or her silicones will be shaking with great emotion.
Step Five: When there, or anywhere else, never ever kiss or touch the birds or pigs. Please note that I am not talking about daft women, festively plump women or all women here. And don’t you ever ever objectify women, bitches hate that. Ask Moody Blues.
Ladies whores and gentlemen molesters and visitors of the lovely Shanghai Hash. This Sunday we give you H7N9, an STD, free followup treatment and a vasectomy at Sperminator’s hospital free of charge. There will be all sorts of bodily fluids involved – saliva, semen, mucus, blood, semen soaked saliva, semen soaked mucus, semen soaked semen. We promise nothing but the best stripping of your dignity, morality and sanity. You have been warned!
As always, feel free to bring a bag for a change of clothes. Our handy hoard of
pickpockets thieves safekeepers will very kindly watch over your bags. ON ON!
Run type: (A – A) :
Restaurant (A) : S1 Club, 3F 738 DingXi Road (near YanAn Xi Road) 中国上海定西路738弄 (靠近延安东路) Phone 021-52372679
Directions to the Restaurant:
By Metro : Line 3 or Line 4 West Yan’an Road Exit. Walk south towards YanAn Elevated Road 100m, turn left onto YanAn Xi Road, walk 400m east, turn right onto DingXi Road and walk 150m south to the restaurant.
By Taxi : S1 Club, 3F 738 DingXi Road (near YanAn Xi Road) 中国上海定西路738弄 (靠近延安东路). The closest small street is Niuqiao Road but the taxi driver might not know the street. The restaurant is 1500m south of YanAn Xi Lu.